she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
