Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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