Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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