I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
