So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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