today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
