and my herpes radar will keep us safe
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
