sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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