i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
