PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My breasts were aching with rage.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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