I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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