Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
