he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
