I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
