She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
