We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
