my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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