We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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