I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
