drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize