And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
