Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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