all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
