Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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