Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
