If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
