hotel room ftw
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
