Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My dick has a subreddit
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
