Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
