He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
