i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize