I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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