I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
