Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
