What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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