2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
