Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
