The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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