When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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