Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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