Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
