theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
