As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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