Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
