so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
