how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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