he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
