Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
