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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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