it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize