so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
