how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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