Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
false alarm. still invincible.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
