I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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