I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
