i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
