anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
