dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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