pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
