Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
