when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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