maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
