I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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