Who did Billy Mays play for?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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