fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
