hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"