I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.