So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning