i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.