I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.