my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Vodka?
Forever.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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