nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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