all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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