I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
