Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
