i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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