Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
