you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
